On The First

Well, I'm almost embarrassed to write. I have been uncharacteristically quiet this holiday season, and though I kept the blog reel moving in my head, the words never made it to the computer.

I've been taking pictures and writing thoughts down on Target receipts, and hopefully those things will find their eternal resting place on this blog within the not too distant future.

But for now, I'm going to stick with current events. Last night I celebrated the turning of 2008 to 2009, and I did so in what seems to be my curse: doing almost nothing of note with my kids screaming in the background while I vow that next year I will don my size two body in a beautiful dress and go somewhere posh and sing Auld Lang Syne with other terribly posh people who drink champagne that is more expensive than my car.

This isn't to say that I didn't enjoy myself last night. I met with friends and family, though I am not a size two and I wore some ASU sweatpants. We played Harry Potter SceneIt and Austin and I fought over the most appropriate way to display victory over the other team. The kids stayed up and had 72 fights about who could be the Main Princess and who was a Reject Care Bear. In all, a normal night.

Normal in all respects except for that an entire calendar year was turning over, creating that lovely fresh page that people so long for.

I normally have some ideas about what my resolutions will be. I don't get cynical about not really keeping them. I figure that even trying something new is to be commended.

Last year I resolved to drink 8 glasses of water every day and floss before bed. I probably also resolved to lose weight, eat less sugar and read the Bible. Please don't ask where I'm at with any of those things. Like I said, trying something new...is....still....great.

Well, as midnight drew ever closer and I racked my brain for the obscure Potter characters and quotes, I tried to decide on Tiffany's 2009 Resolutions.

I really don't want to list things about exercise or healthy eating. I've been doing that for 14 years now, and I have to say that I would rather focus on something else this go-round.

But still, I didn't have any strong desire or pull towards anything in particular. While I say that I'm not cynical, I guess I would have to admit that I seriously have doubts about my ability to really accomplish something in this year. Yes, that is indeed the well-fed cynic in me. It says that life would probably be much easier on me if I didn't expect much and ended up surprised.

But sitting through enough lectures from my dad and now my Most Wise Spouse lead me to believe that this sort of thinking really does lead you nowhere. Expect nothing, get nothing. Not to sound cliche, but I really would be disappointed to get to the end of another year in my life and didn't even try to do something new or amazing.

And even though I'm open, I still can't really think of anything.

I try to think of things in small pieces, as I tend to get overwhelmed by even walking into a grocery store. Sometimes even projecting life forward by a week makes my face breaks out in hives. Literally, in hives. You can imagine, then, what trying to bite off a whole year might do to my emotional state. I am in a wedding on Sunday, and cannot be covered in hives.

So....little pieces.

This is what I know about my year. I'm hoping that by talking through it with you, oh kind and gentle reader, I will arrive at some sort of resolution about 2009.

January
Lots of birthdays this month. Austin and I both turn 27, and his sister 26. His dad's birthday will no doubt be as hard this year as it was last. My grandmother has knee surgery, which I'm sure will be none too fun as this month also holds her birthday.

Chelsea and Wady get married on the 4th, and while I hope that everything goes off smashingly well, I also hope that Sabra does something really funny. I'll be a bridesmaid for the first time in 10 years, and hopefully won't trip down the aisle. Again.

Of most importance (in my world) is the trip that will take place on the 28th.

Austin, Moira, Sabra, and myself will board a plane for what I'm sure will feel like 4 days and fly to Shannon, Ireland. It would take too much time to explain why and how, which are indeed the questions I'm sure you are asking. But suffice it to say that it was unexpected, unplanned, and positively serendipitous. We will be flying to Shannon and then driving (on the opposite side of the road, gulp) to Galway, where we'll be spending about two weeks. To say that we are excited doesn't even begin to explain it. To say I am nervous...well, I'm always nervous. But as I said to someone, I feel like throwing up with a smile on my face. The trip will bring something. I just don't know what.

February
Will be in Ireland for first bit o' the short month. Will have to come back and have post-trip depression. At least I will skip over the horrid Valentine's Day Exchange at the girls' schools. I hate signing a bunch of cards that other 2 year old children will only look at for .3 seconds before submitting them to the layer of rubbish that inhabits every normal family's car.

Speaking of Valentine's Day....I totally waffle on caring about it. Sure, it is nice to have a set aside time to share with your loved one. But I still suffer from post-dorky kid syndrome. PDKS rules more of my life then I would like to admit. Anyways, residual effects include covering your emotional self with a protective hide and acting like you don't care about receiving flowers from someone who has a crush on you. I think that this year I just want to watch Mama Mia again and be sad about life resuming as normal.

Mother-in-law birthday....this year Austin needs to pick out his own present. At some point you have to push them out of the nest, right?

March
Sabra turns 3. Crazy. Ummm. I think that is it for now. Spring cleaning? Oh, mourning the year anniversary since I stood on the blessed grounds of London and Paris.

April
Moira turns 6, Easter is the next day, Shakespeare's birthday, Dad's birthday, and....warmer weather. I hate anything above 70 degrees. Loathe, in fact. I have light skin and big thighs, which means that sunburns and shorts are just not my friends. My sister will be taking her class to Washington, D.C. for the 8th grade trip. I've never been, and would rather like to join. However, unless I can find a way to make up the lost paycheck, I might have to settle for watching National Treasure and hating the way Nicholas Cage raises his eyebrows and knows the answer to every question without a single moment's pause.

May
Kendall turns 5. Time, as ever, marches and trudges simultaneously. Moira's Kindergarten year draws to a close, making me feel very very old and not in control of life. I now believe that I will turn around and she will be driving a car off to University. (Oxford, keep your fingers crossed) Ummmm....Mother's Day. I want a trip to Prague.

June
Father's Day, right? Austin, if you get me a trip to Prague/Vienna, other surrounding areas, I will buy you a Jeep. Or go to London with you. I'm now an official tour guide of the city. I KNOW my way around.

Let's see....5 year anniversary of Mom's aneurysm. Now THAT really seems crazy. Half a decade, and light years difference. In many, many ways.

My parent's 36th anniversary, and they still haven't been to Spain. Somebody out there with the funds, you should totally send them. My mom slept with iguanas in mud huts for the first bit of marriage, and then had to live with her in-laws for the next few, and so on and so forth. She then almost lost her life...don't you think that she needs to go to Spain? I do. If my book goes to the top of the charts, I'm sending them. Even before I go to Prague. Now THAT is love.

Tyson gets to come home for a short holiday in June, after which I'm quite sure my sister and niece will need to come visit me for some tea and Mario Kart. Zoning out helps with pain, as long as you don't revel in it all of the time.

July
My 7 year anniversary. Yikes. To celebrate, we want to have a big Harry Potter party and go see the movie. Unless the stupid top guys at WB postpone it again, in which case we might go to jail for rioting. But I've always kind of wanted to go to jail, as long as it wasn't for something too bad. I think the blog fodder would be fantastic, and I want mug shots.

4th of July which by default will be better than 2008 in which I sat in the house with two kids who were afraid of the 'fartworks' going on outside.

Ash and Rob's birthdays, and the big 3-0 at that.

August
Talitha's birthday. I still think of her as being 18, so I really don't want to say how old she will be. Not because it is OLD but because 30's......well, that's not where we are at, is it? IS IT?

Sigh....school freaking starts in August now, because someone out there is a Communist. (Incidentally, I like the idea of communism. I know it doesn't really work out, but the premise is pretty good. Utopia, on the other hand, gets on my nerves.) So I'll have a first grader, and hopefully Sabra will get into a good preschool program. Read into that what you will. I have no idea who reads this, and have no desire to lose my Lovely Receptionist Job.

September
Um....school. Getting used to the bloody blasted schedule. I haaaaate schedules. They taunt me and tell me what a disorganized, poor planner I am.

October
Well, I am interested to see how the kids will dress for Halloween this year. It says so much about their personalities. If I get to dress up, I'll be Luna Lovegood. She's my hero.

Evelyn's first birthday, hopefully with some really good cake smashing pictures.

Pumpkin farm, cinnamon bread, and wondering how the year has gone so very fast.

Anniversary of Dennis' death. I would say more, but what is there to say?

November
Trying to get invited to the Stanfield house again for Thanksgiving, as I really like not cooking. Although if I can stomach the car ride, it would be nice to go to St. Louis and see family. There's nothing like your grandmother telling you that you eat too much pie and soon you will grow fat. Ahhh, the holidays.

Marcus turns 4, and shouldn't he still be 2?

December
Well, I can only hope that the close of 2009 will be happy. Without being cynical, in all seriousness, I can hardly hope to not have major heartache this year. There has been too much loss in life for me to expect otherwise. I hope to not attend any funerals this year. In December I want to be irritated by all my family members who want more pictures of my kids and wonder why I don't send out Christmas cards. I want to be stressed with too many friends to buy presents for, and not enough time to attend all the festive parties.

And I want to close out 2009 being irritated with my kids yelling in the background and swearing that in 2010 I will celebrate by the River Thames.

January 1, 2009
Well, I do have a resolution. I didn't read it between the lines or have an epiphany. But here it is: I want to write something every day. I know, you are already scoffing at my insurmountable task. But in this year, I will do my best to write down a little something every day. Articles, thoughts, or frustrations at being married to someone who beats me at games that I should win!

I think it is a good one, and I hope to hit the goal more than not.

After all, as I have noted, time seems to go faster and faster and yet oddly slower. And as always, there is someone missing. I can't control life, and I certainly have tried. Being afraid of who will be the next to go hasn't been helpful.

But, I can remember people and inside jokes and terrible movies that I shut off after five minutes. I can record the times that I thought Sabra would never ever get over her cold, and when Moira cleaned the toilets instead of playing a video game because, "our house is way too dirty".

So today I'm 1 for 1. Seems like good odds.