The Fireworks

This blog, I suppose, begins at the end. Though that will of course depend entirely on how you look at life. I tend to read newspapers in small clips back and forth, rather than reading a story through to the end. It takes great willpower for me not to read the last line of a book while still in the first chapter. I don't know why I'm this way. I like to be surprised by the twists and turns of a story. Alas, it is a character quirk that I may never understand. But for now, we can say that this blog begins with the beginning of a television show, highlighting the end of someone's beginning.

After pretending not to cry while watching Extreme Home Makeover, I was flipping through the channels. My parents have all of those Home/Life/History channels that I really could watch all day long. Well, this was a Wedding Special. And not just any Wedding Special, mind you. No, this was Disney's Fantastic Sprinkled Magical Enchanted Frosted Diamond Wedding Special.

I had to watch. I mean, people spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to have a Disney Wedding Experience (which is their proper name, I learned). I may never get to attend one, so I really did have to watch this incredible process.

It was....overwhelming. There were taste tests that put Costco on a Saturday to shame! There were fittings, colorizing appointments, and lots of gay men in heavy foundation.

There were incredible options, depending on your Disney Wedding Experience needs. Seriously, if you can dream it...they can make it and then charge you for it. But they put together some of the most GORGEOUS weddings EVER.

And they always, always, always ended with fireworks. I don't know why fireworks are exciting and romantic in a non-cheesy way, but they are. And to have them sparkle and crack and smoke and light up your own wedding! Well...that beats white doves and bubbles any day!

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You are thinking....

Uh, Disney wedding? That is truly odd. There's no way I'm wearing a set of Mickey ears while walking down the aisle. That crap is only for people who order these:

But I swear, most of the (well, maybe half) brides on this show wore really classic, pretty, sexy, normal stuff and just wanted a fun place to get married. I haven't convinced you, have I? You are still seeing this stuff in your mind's eye:

Over the top, right? I quite agree. To each his own, I would normally agree. But the pink coach cake does seem a little odd for a wedding. I wonder what the groom thought. I wonder what the groom paid...

Well, this couple might be the ones attached to that pink cake above. If you can get married on the scaffolding of It's A Small World, you are probably just the kind of couple that likes cake with wheels and a shoe.

Back to me though. You know I have a slightly unhealthy obsession with weddings. I was giddy with excitement when we attended one last year, only to have my perfect day ruined by my dress that was too tight because I'm getting older and fatter.

Well, you can imagine just what this Disney Wedding Experience show did to me. I started planning my dress....and I think I've decided on this one:

Yes, enter the Disney Wedding Dress Collection! Dresses inspired after the princesses. I know, I know, I'm not really their target consumer. Already married, looking to spend a few hundred dollars on a dress...well, it only goes down from there. But I looooove this dress. And I'm starting to understand why Mothers Of The Bride go slightly insane. Vicarious wedding? You bet!

So I might change into this lovely little frock for my reception, which will be outside tenting with lots of candles and maybe a chandelier. I haven't decided yet.

And all my lovely friends and readers get to be bridesmaids, so I hope you like this one. Though I'll be choosing another color...expect your bridesmaid packet in the mail.

And to complete my ethnic bridal party, I choose this dress. I'll have to paint my children black for it to look exactly the same, but I won't worry about that because Disney takes care of everything!

Ahh.... isn't it lovely? I'll get married here, perhaps walking barefoot over the bridge?

We'll kiss under a pergola type thingy while everyone looks at us and wonders if there was ever such a happy and beautiful couple in ALL THE WORLD.

And then, our friends will send us off into the night, with a slight touch of magic, whimsy, and Disney fantasy looming in the background.

Ahhhh. So pretty. Well, I know that this was completely unnutritious, academically speaking. I just posted pictures of pretty (or weird) wedding items and said that I wanted a big pretty wedding. And I know, I know...I'm supposed to say that even though I bought my cake from a grocery store, it all turned out just how I wanted. But that would be a total lie. And then I'm suppose to say that it doesn't matter because I have such a wonderful spouse. But that would be a half lie.

I do have a wonderful spouse. But I still want the big pretty wedding. It might make me sick to my (totally flat and toned) stomach to know that people spend 200,000 on their weddings, and it really is just One Day. And when I say I wouldn't want to spend that much, that isn't a lie.

But still...isn't it pretty?

Austin, can we go to Disneyland soon? Will you kiss me under the fireworks?