Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Woody Allen's Typewriter


How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter? - Woody Allen

I'm pretty sure that most people just think that this is a funny quote. HA! Clever, quirky, odd Woody Allen. Isn't he funny? See how he deflected the (possible) question that proceeded his answer?

I didn't really laugh. My brain went mad with other thoughts.

1. I've never used a typewriter.
2. I hate every Woody Allen movie I've ever seen.
3. Most people will insist on their disbelief in God because of bad things that happen to them or anyone else they've ever met. They miss the point.

So, which of these to tackle? Surely I won't have enough time to adequately address these four issues. I'm going to go with the one that is the most pressing.

I seriously hate Woody Allen movies. They are supposed to be 'darkly funny', 'ingenious', 'an actor's dream', and so on and so forth, until I feel that everybody is dumber than me, or I am dumber than everyone else.
I think that Woody Allen movies seem like a horribly boring play in which the actors may or may not be talented but the content is so inconsistent and dull that it is impossible to tell. Similarly, a chef may be talented but cannot cook a gourmet meal with spam and circus peanuts.

I think that might be all I have to say on the subject. I don't feel as though I owe his movies the honor of dissecting them or giving them any real thought. I just find them insufferable and would rather clean a toilet than watch them. (I hate cleaning toilets and it makes me dry heave)
Well, I wrapped that up pretty quickly.

Though they are supposed to be retro and cool now, I'm rather glad that I never had to write a paper on a typewriter. I type too fast and too inconsistently to rely on something that I cannot erase with ease. The constant paper changing and clacking and liquid papering would make this blogger lose focus.

Perhaps Woody Allen's movies are still in the typewriter stage? Perhaps he is too fast and inconsistent to get it right the first time, and would like a way to rewind, erase, start again?

I doubt it.

If he isn't careful, someone might one day say "How can I believe in God when last week I had to watch a Woody Allen movie?"

Alas. God made Woody Allen. Maybe God put Woody Allen's tongue in a typewriter on purpose.

It could happen.

2 comments:

~gina said...

AHHHH!!!! I LOATHE Woody Allen movies!!!! Yet another lovely thing we have in common :-)

Talitha said...

Ah, the Emperor indeed is not wearing any clothes. I also am not a fan of Woody Allen movies and I am glad you gave the rest of us liberty to make our true feelings known.