Friday, April 13, 2012

JWDW - Jesus Would Do What?!

Pop Christian culture makes me itch.

I don't mean slightly irritated, needs some lotion kind of annoyance. 

No, oh no. 

Full on hives and raw chafe. 

I'm using the term 'Pop Christianity' because it sounds as deep and fulfilling as pop music. I don't know if it is a real term, but I'm ordering my own private world. (Extra points if you get that little heehaw.)

What is it, exactly? 

Have you ever seen a Testamint? That's a pretty fantastic example. 

I'm pretty sure we don't need commentary, but on the other hand, it is kind of asking for it. 

My first thought is the switcheroo from the letter 'T' to a cross. Seriously? Because this change makes the name more like what Jesus would want? On one hand, whatever...they are trying to show in an understated way that they are a Christian company. On the other...I wonder if maybe it makes God a little miffed to see a pictorial representation of the salvation of the world on a pack of breath fresheners. 

What's the point of this product? Is it really for breath?

Breath mints, aside from their frequent inclusion of really nasty ingredients, are neutral on the emotional scale. They are like toilet paper: helpful when needed, otherwise object. I daresay that few people think often on breath mints and their mark on the world. They just sit there, on your tongue, and either deliver that weird sour taste that oddly makes your breath worse or so much mint that your tongue wants to die. 

The world is full of breath sprays, candies, lozenges, little nasty films related to Fruit Roll Ups, not to mention gum and pocket toothbrushes. I highly doubt that there was a gaping hole of need in the area of quick breath fixers. We have to look for a different reason.

Maybe the mint companies are owned by liberals. We'll show them. We won't buy their stuff and then they will see whose God is the Lord. It worked when we boycotted Disney, right? We showed them the love of Christ and how to bow to Our Monopoly On Right. Bring it, Listerine. Brrrrrring it. 

Sadly it wasn't these things. It was purposeful, thought out, marketed, tested, and funded as a way of spreading the gospel. On a mint. Despite my eye-rolling, I'm not making fun of the people who made them. I am, however, questioning the culture of thinking that led them to believe in the need for such a product. 

Why, oh why did someone think....HEY! I've got it. All those nonbelievers and hostile haters? They've just been waiting for a mint! Jesus will give them halitosis one day which will lead them to ask a Christian In The Know for a breath mint. Bam! I hear an altar call. 

When I think of the times I share mints, gum, or other breath altering substances, I think of my husband/kids/friends that have coffee breath and need a freshen up. I think of too much garlic and a blind date. I don't think of the lepers in Calcutta. I don't think of grateful drug addicts who just needed a breath mint lifeline in order to change their wicked ways. I don't think of random people in the mall that look like they don't know Jesus because they don't look like me.

When I see these mints I just KNOW that someone has rolled down their window at the side of the road, leaned out and waved over a homeless man. In my mind the driver tells the man that he can have this mint and be blessed. He won't, however, be receiving money, because he'll probably just spend it on beer and perpetuate his own cycle of abuse. The driver leaves feeling so good because truth has been shared, as opposed to food or money.

Testamints. Good grief.

I don't know how to end this. I'll go brush my teeth, to ensure that I don't ever, ever need a breath mint. 

1 comment:

the beam team said...

Haha! Love it. You're so funny. And smart.